verb for·give \fər-ˈgiv, fȯr-\
: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)
: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)
: to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)
I’m starting to shudder every time someone throws out the word forgiveness.
Just forgive. That’s all. Once you forgive all will be well.
Forgive me for saying so, but the word forgive is thrown around so frequently I’m starting to view it as a sentence enhancer instead of an act. A quick fix response instead of addressing an actual issue. A Botox injection for an action best not thought about. It gives you a temporary and false sense of security but eventually the appeal and the synthetic imagery fades leaving you with the same bold truth once you find the courage to really look in the mirror.
I don’t know that I know what forgiveness actually is or isn’t and I’m quickly able to admit that fact. Forgiveness is sort of an abstract idea, isn’t it?
Forgiveness is a verb. So it shows action. The action of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is defined primarily as a way to stop feeling angry towards someone who has wronged you.
Many associate the act of forgiveness with the idea that ultimately God will be the one to forgive or not.
I could be wrong (probably am) but don’t you have to ask God to be forgiven?
Do you really think the sociopaths that are committing these crimes against children are going to be asking for that? Or caring if their victims “forgive” them? If anything they are enjoying the fact that they can continue to manipulate you to the point in which you feel you can or should offer them forgiveness.Something they don’t care about. It’s meaningless to them.
They don’t think they have done anything wrong. How can you ask for forgiveness if you think you have nothing to be forgiven for and doesn’t that dispute the entire thought process behind asking God for forgiveness?
Anger is a verb as well.
Anger at times can be harmful. Anger is raw and authentic and confusing. Anger is real and justified.What do we do with all of this anger? It causes great conflict and turmoil and often times it is because a person is struggling with something internally and they don’t know how to express it or channel it.
They are told to forgive. Let go of that anger. To move on.
How does that honor the fact that the person probably has every right to feel angry? How is that validating what the person experienced? How does it help the person with those intense emotions work through them so that they can hopefully better understand what happened and try to come to terms with it?
I’m not angry with my abuser. I’m not angry about my past. I’m not angry about my experiences or the fact that it didn’t have to happen. I’m not angry with all of the adults that ultimately let me down through their own fear, shame or bias.
I’m enraged towards the apathy that continues to accompany childhood sexual abuse and the lack of understanding with what causes it and the indifference as to how to stop it and the disgust behind not being willing to discuss it and the false hope that blind forgiveness can bring.