I could write a book about it.
I have had debilitating moments of anxiety my entire life.
There have been times when I am in mid conversation with somebody and I hear myself talking and I actually panic. Then I act all weird and say something off topic and walk away mumbling with my head down.
In mid conversation.
I’m sorry to the 97% of you who have experienced this while attempting to talk to me.
I’m still trying to accept that I have PTSD and not let that define me. More about that some other time. Maybe.
Writing about all of this has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. My fear of the reactions I will receive and the negativity I knew I would invite into my life has caused my already anxious brain to imagine the absolute worst scenario every time I push the publish button.
I woke up this morning to find a message waiting for me from a woman I have known for a very long time. She is smart and beautiful and courageous and to be honest I kind of always thought I wasn’t “good” enough to be in her world. Not because she made me feel that way but because of my own shitty self image. She described an incident she recently experienced that made her feel doubt and pissed her off. Something she had no control over. It happened around dinner time.
Then she said this…