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This is a ranting response I wrote in response to a victim of child sexual abuse. I wrote it in the moment. It is not articulate or grammatically correct or maybe even understandable. It still needs to be said.

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Your message came at the perfect time for me. We should not feel ashamed by what happened to us. It makes me unbelievably angry that when we finally find the courage to use our voices we get shut down. I truly believe people are afraid. For many reasons. Maybe because of something that happened to them that they can’t confront or they have repressed memories or simply the idea of it is too much to comprehend. It is what nightmares are made of and people don’t like to think  about things that are outside of their safety zone.

I won’t be quiet anymore. Childhood sexual abuse happens. It happens every minute to innocent children every day and it is not fucking acceptable or okay to not talk about it because other people are uncomfortable.

We can be the voices  that people need to hear. Maybe the only ones they can hear because we have lived through it. We can make a difference.

I will never not use my voice again. I don’t think my process of healing should be subjected to a certain ideal of what makes others feel good about themselves. Change will not happen timidly. I know my experiences and sharing them in the way that I have been make people uncomfortable.

Guess what?

We are uncomfortable. The people who have lived through it. And we have been for a long time.  Why should we continue to be victimized because people are afraid to talk about it? We talk about everything else in this world. People talk and talk and talk and talk some more but damn it if we tried to talk about something that actually matters.

I’m not afraid of what others think of me anymore. I sure as hell didn’t ask for this but I’m going to try to be better because of it and hopefully help others to do the same.

My writing publicly about childhood sexual abuse  freaks people out. I have lost “friends” because of it. I  have actually been subjected to dirty looks and whispers as I walk by certain groups of people.

More importantly…

I have received messages of hope and gratitude from survivors who are in their sixties and seventies who had never disclosed because they didn’t feel like they had somebody to tell, because not enough of us feel that it is okay to talk about. Isn’t that what we were told when we were going through this as children?

“Don’t tell.”

“It’s bad.”

“You’re bad.”

“People won’t believe you.”

“Nobody cares.”

We are not voiceless little children anymore and it is disgusting that people continue to treat us that way. I’m over it. I’m using my pain to try to help others heal and let them know they shouldn’t be ashamed. I respect that the way I’m doing it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

I personally don’t give a shit.

P.S. I may turn this answer into a blog without revealing anything you said,Because people need to hear it. And thank you.

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